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| Rishi the showdog |
Veritable Senior Citizen.
15 dog years, 105 human years.
Golden Fur Shih Tzu.
I miss you, friend.
My 15 yr old Shih Tzu passed away on Sunday night. The house is gonna feel different without him around underfoot and acting as quite the proverbial sibling at times by competing for attention and food.
Meditating in the forest deep.
Flowing hair like a Hermit Rishi.
Expression, a thoughtful contemplation.
Rishi Srinivasan, an appropriate name.
Rishi came to our house when I was in elementary school. Rishi had this mournful look about him and his long fur made him look like a rishi (hermit) meditating in the forest. So he was aptly named Rishi. Rishi would accompany my mom to pick me up from Mr Tran’s class those days. My classmate Ryan asked me his name and when I responded, “Rishi,” Ryan immediately exclaimed, “Hari Srinivasan’s dog is Rishi Srinivasan.” So that’s how Rishi became Rishi Srinivasan. The name tag that hung from his collar proudly stated “Rishi Srinivasan” and had our phone number on it.
Fluffy wagging tail, a furry bouquet.
Former show dog, a handsome dude.
Pets from strangers, a regular thing.
Tourists, “Can we take a picture with him please?”
Whenever we’d taken him out to beaches or to Yosemite, folks had always wanted to pet him. Many tourists have wanted to take photos with him. I think in his younger days, Rishi probably knew that he was good looking and was proud of it too. When anyone took a photo, Rishi would join in, give a pose and look right at the camera. People often mistook Rishi for a girl dog as he was so pretty. I wonder if Rishi minded being called a “her” by people who wanted to pet him.
Angle and wagging of the tail.
Eyes sparkle or mournful to suit the mood.
His body spoke so much to you.
Rishi communicated a lot just through his body language. The position and angle of his tail itself would be an expression of his delight, his disapproval, his disappointment or his sorrow. His eyes too would sparkle with joy or become mournful when he needed a treat from an adult.
Package of love in under 20 lbs.
Barks stating “I love you, Hari!”
A Happy Dance when seeing me.
Cute paw over paw greeting.
That Rishi absolutely adored me is without a doubt. He’d be camped on the front doormat the entire time I was in school - from the time I got on the school bus to the time the bus returned. He would hear the bus at the end of the road and come to life joyfully announcing my return. As soon as I stepped in the door, he would do this cute paw over paw on the ground and then skip around in a dance; we called it Rishi’s Happy Dance.
One time I was on the backyard swing and Rishi was running circles around me happily barking. My therapist asked me, “What is Rishi saying?” expecting me to say “Woof” or something to that effect. Instead, I instinctively responded with “I love you, Hari!”.
One time I was on the backyard swing and Rishi was running circles around me happily barking. My therapist asked me, “What is Rishi saying?” expecting me to say “Woof” or something to that effect. Instead, I instinctively responded with “I love you, Hari!”.
Concern for me when sick.
Vigilant guard during therapy.
Message clear to therapists.
“Take good care of Hari.”
When I was sick, a very concerned Rishi would lie at the foot of my bed, till I got better. If I said the word "bathroom," in any room in the house, Rishi would run to the nearest adult and give a sharp bark as if to say, “Go attend to Hari.”
When therapists came over, he would keep an eye on them from his place at the door of the room, making sure they were treating me right. Therapist Cherie has even laughingly assured him, “Rishi, don’t worry, I’m taking good care of Hari.”
I was taught to say his name in ABA therapy though I already knew his name inside my mind. During my later charter school years, Rishi was my mascot, lying under the table as I did my lessons.
When therapists came over, he would keep an eye on them from his place at the door of the room, making sure they were treating me right. Therapist Cherie has even laughingly assured him, “Rishi, don’t worry, I’m taking good care of Hari.”
I was taught to say his name in ABA therapy though I already knew his name inside my mind. During my later charter school years, Rishi was my mascot, lying under the table as I did my lessons.
Understood nuances of this extra-special kid.
Alas, the autism factor.
Love could not be stated explicitly.
The quality I think we admire most in dogs is their empathy and Rishi had that in abundance. Intuitively he understood my differences and adapted to it. He learned to work around a lot of my needs and behaviors. For instance, he had really wanted to sleep with me on the bed but I could not handle that, so he just slept in his basket. Instead, he became my music buddy, camping on the bed when I would listen to music on the headphones or during prayer when he would dutifully sit the whole time and listen.
As a young dog, he would try to intervene when I became agitated but his small size meant he really could not do much. So he learned it was better to just keep out of the way but would come back and sit next to me later to offer comfort.
Rishi followed me around and showed his love even though I did not always explicitly display outward affection for him. Hugging and petting a dog was not my strong suit as that is a very sensory experience and I have all sorts of sensory dysregulation. Until the very end, I had not found a real comfortable way to physically interact with him, the autism part of me puts many obstacles in the way.
Autism often means that our behavior and body mannerisms can be contrary to our thought. But I think Rishi just totally understood that and did not demand or expect a reciprocal physical interaction with me. I think he got enough hugs and cuddling from other adults. Rishi also instinctively sensed the times I was more receptive to touching him and when I was not. My touch too has not always been regulated so Rishi just learned to wiggle out if I was a little rough.
In a world that is filled with naysayers and doubters for us differently-abled folks, it is refreshing to experience such non-judgemental and unconditional love that dogs like Rishi bring. Every disabled child needs to have a dog sometime in their life.
As a young dog, he would try to intervene when I became agitated but his small size meant he really could not do much. So he learned it was better to just keep out of the way but would come back and sit next to me later to offer comfort.
Rishi followed me around and showed his love even though I did not always explicitly display outward affection for him. Hugging and petting a dog was not my strong suit as that is a very sensory experience and I have all sorts of sensory dysregulation. Until the very end, I had not found a real comfortable way to physically interact with him, the autism part of me puts many obstacles in the way.
Autism often means that our behavior and body mannerisms can be contrary to our thought. But I think Rishi just totally understood that and did not demand or expect a reciprocal physical interaction with me. I think he got enough hugs and cuddling from other adults. Rishi also instinctively sensed the times I was more receptive to touching him and when I was not. My touch too has not always been regulated so Rishi just learned to wiggle out if I was a little rough.
In a world that is filled with naysayers and doubters for us differently-abled folks, it is refreshing to experience such non-judgemental and unconditional love that dogs like Rishi bring. Every disabled child needs to have a dog sometime in their life.
Every 2 months.
Shaggy bear to shorn sheep.
Sudden new dog in the house.
Autism mind - not reconcile.
Rishi was a hypoallergenic dog with double coated fur. His fur did not shed, rather it grew out so long that his eyes would be completely covered by fur. So he would go to the dog groomers every couple of months to be bathed and get all his fur trimmed back. He would come back with a bandana and a bow. The transformation would throw me in the early days. A overgrown shaggy dog left at the groomers was picked up a shorn sheep. He would look so different that I would be quite scared of this new dog. I would refuse to go near this new Rishi for a few days.
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| Before Grooming |
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| After Grooming |
Fruit connoisseur, a banana-loving dog.
Gnaw Carrots, his veggie bone.
Idli, pesarattu, into Indian Food.
Protest bark if not offered a piece.
Rishi loved Indian food like yogurt rice, plain dhal, idlis and salt-free pesarattu. My family is vegetarian and salt and spices were added to most dishes after keeping some aside for Rishi. He loved apples, pears, avocado, boiled potatoes, boiled beans, carrots, moong sprouts, quinoa, and cucumber. He would sit on the kitchen floor and stare mournfully and sometimes make noises of protest in different tones if he was not given a piece. If still nothing was forthcoming, his tail would be stiff and he would give a sharp bark as a reminder that he needed a share.
He was quite the connoisseur of fruit, and banana was his all-time favorite. If he walked into the room and realized I’d eaten a banana without him (he could still smell the banana in the air), he would whimper sadly. Rishi could probably eat a whole banana or even two bananas if we let him. A carrot was his daily vegetarian bone and he would gnaw on it all day.
Even as he has acted like an older sibling in his concern for me, he has also acted like a younger sibling - competing with me for food and attention from my parents. At times the autism part of me has not liked this, though the logical part of my mind has reminded me that he’s just a small wholly dependent dog, and that this was no competition at all.
He was quite the connoisseur of fruit, and banana was his all-time favorite. If he walked into the room and realized I’d eaten a banana without him (he could still smell the banana in the air), he would whimper sadly. Rishi could probably eat a whole banana or even two bananas if we let him. A carrot was his daily vegetarian bone and he would gnaw on it all day.
Even as he has acted like an older sibling in his concern for me, he has also acted like a younger sibling - competing with me for food and attention from my parents. At times the autism part of me has not liked this, though the logical part of my mind has reminded me that he’s just a small wholly dependent dog, and that this was no competition at all.
Paw on keyboard.
A look that says, “Me too.”
Hari, you are getting a voice.
I want a conversation with you
I think Rishi was thrilled when I first started using AAC. He would come, place his paw on the computer keyboard and look up as though he too wanted to type out a sentence or two. I bet if he’d been taught to type too, he’d have had a ton to say too. He totally knew the keyboard was somehow helping me. One of my earliest poems was about Rishi.
Had yoga got regard for how darling dogs are
gist of young dogs joy it fortells
joy obvious from its tail, paws, and head.
Understanding silky body moves
God-given gift just for kid
total love in just under twenty pounds.
Noisy licking just unintended
fur very elegant has total appeal
had noted fundamentals of kid.
gist of young dogs joy it fortells
joy obvious from its tail, paws, and head.
Understanding silky body moves
God-given gift just for kid
total love in just under twenty pounds.
Noisy licking just unintended
fur very elegant has total appeal
had noted fundamentals of kid.
.
Judicious desire to total caring
Its paw over paw greeting delightful
fur around legs like a skirt.
Beyond holy is his name
brother to kid he has been
forever kid's unquestioning pal.
Beyond holy is his name
brother to kid he has been
forever kid's unquestioning pal.
Unfortunately Rishi started getting health issues. He got some kind of allergy and almost lost all his fur. My folks even tried alternative therapies with him like Homeopathy but he steadily lost weight. I remember saying, “Noisy licking keeps kid awake.”
Fortunately, a new vet was identified who changed his kibble and meds. My Saroja Paati (grandma) was also visiting and she changed his diet to include lots of boiled vegetables, dhal, and curd rice. Prior to that Rishi had been primarily on wet and dry processed dog food. Rishi prospered so much that the vet asked if it was the same dog during the next visit. Rishi with his glorious fur and sparkle was back.
Fortunately, a new vet was identified who changed his kibble and meds. My Saroja Paati (grandma) was also visiting and she changed his diet to include lots of boiled vegetables, dhal, and curd rice. Prior to that Rishi had been primarily on wet and dry processed dog food. Rishi prospered so much that the vet asked if it was the same dog during the next visit. Rishi with his glorious fur and sparkle was back.
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| Rishi in Raincoat |
Alas, old age catches on.
Perpetual allergies, Ear infections.
Vision gone, Hard of hearing.
Body slows down.
Rishi’s earlier illness meant that he’d also developed lifelong allergies. He had to be gluten free, milk free and on special Kangaroo meat kibble and hypoallergenic dog treats for the rest of his life. He was at the vet a lot for some allergy related issue or ear infection and constantly on meds. As he aged, parts of his golden mane started turning grey, (yes, even dogs get grey hair).
In the last few years, Rishi also started slowing down. He slept most of the day. His sight started deteriorating till he became almost completely blind. Apparantely Shih-Tzu's are genetically prone to eye issues. He was on eyedrops all the time so his eyes would not dry out. He knew his way around our old house so it was not that obvious.
His sight issues became very noticeable when we moved to a new house. Poor Rishi would bump into things and not know how to navigate the steps in the backyard of our new place. His poor vision meant he would not see my sudden impulsive body moves. He no longer constantly followed me around and our interaction dwindled even more.
Two years ago, he developed a tumor and had a toe surgically removed. He stopped barking when the front doorbell rang; perhaps he became hard of hearing. But till the last day, he would come running for food - especially if he could smell banana in the air.
In the last few years, Rishi also started slowing down. He slept most of the day. His sight started deteriorating till he became almost completely blind. Apparantely Shih-Tzu's are genetically prone to eye issues. He was on eyedrops all the time so his eyes would not dry out. He knew his way around our old house so it was not that obvious.
His sight issues became very noticeable when we moved to a new house. Poor Rishi would bump into things and not know how to navigate the steps in the backyard of our new place. His poor vision meant he would not see my sudden impulsive body moves. He no longer constantly followed me around and our interaction dwindled even more.
Two years ago, he developed a tumor and had a toe surgically removed. He stopped barking when the front doorbell rang; perhaps he became hard of hearing. But till the last day, he would come running for food - especially if he could smell banana in the air.
Rishi’s condition really went south last weekend. He could not even hold his neck straight. He had to be hand fed as he could not eat his hard kibble. Good thing was that he still ate his favorite banana the morning before he died. By Sunday night he was in bad shape. My folks did their best to shield me from what was happening but I did hear two sharp cries of pain and his loud raspy breathing on Sunday night. He stopped breathing just before midnight. We took him to the vet to be cremated and will get his ashes in two weeks.
I’m not quite sure of how I feel now. I think I’m still trying to process. I know I am sad; after all, Rishi had been a huge part of my life for 15 years. There are more emotions swimming around inside but no words for them just yet. I am gonna miss Rishi’s cute shenanigans, his unconditional love and his presence around the house.
Rishi was a spiritual dog for he loved prayer and vibuthi.
Go now and rest at God’s feet, Rishi Srinivasan, as your journey comes to an end.
Rishi was a spiritual dog for he loved prayer and vibuthi.
Go now and rest at God’s feet, Rishi Srinivasan, as your journey comes to an end.
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| Rishi's Ashes were immersed at East Beach under the Golden Gate Bridge |
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