Neurotransmitters Flow in this Autism Mind

A Baby Bundle

A Baby Bundle

A baby bundle handed to you.

Eyes in slumber or gazing at you

Innocence personified!!

Lightning flash……..

It’s gonna be...

Love at First Sight!

Impact of Autism and Coping Strategies in Indian-American Families

Impact of Autism and Coping Strategies in Indian-American Families.

Hari Srinivasan

APA Poster

Abstract

This paper explores the impact of autism and coping strategies amongst Indian-American families living in the San Francisco Bay Area. Descriptive information on the challenges faced, coping strategies and a stress score (as measured by the Cohen Perceived Stress Scale) was gathered from 18 Indian-American parents of individuals with autism. The study finds that high levels of stress amongst the ASD families (sample mean of 19.2) compared to the non-ASD families (population mean of 13). The study found that the age of the ASD family member does not seem to influence stress levels. There is however a direct correlation between the severity of challenging ASD symptoms and the level of stress.

This study suggests that if causes are better understood about the underlying physiological conditions for each specific case of autism, rather than classifying autism into one broad bucket, it may lead to more targeted treatments and better support systems could be put in place as well.

Positive outcomes for ASD individuals lead to less stress for families. Families also need more comprehensive support and resources in planning and supporting the needs of their ASD family member. Less stress for families leads to better outcomes for the ASD individuals.

A Case Study in the Neural Basis of Communication Challenges

[Concepts in Sensorimotor Research]

An Assignment on Speech and Language

The chapter on the Physiology of Speech and Language is frustratingly close to home for me as I am severely limited by both my expressive speech and almost very poor handwriting skills (along with other stuff). So I thought I would look at the concepts in this chapter in terms of a case-study of an impacted individual, namely me.

A Case Study in the Neural Basis of Communication Challenges

H is a young adult, who was diagnosed with Autism at age 3. His was a case of regressive Autism in which infants who seem to develop typically and meet developmental milestones, lose much of their language and other skills soon after the 18 month mark. H exhibits both speech and motor (writing) challenges. This report is an attempt to delineate H’s communication challenges along with the current scientific knowledge about their neural basis.

H’s consistent expressive speech ranges to a dozen or so few key phrases. His articulation may be hard to understand for people not familiar with him. He can repeat phrases and can sing, though his prosody and articulation are inconsistent. In receptive language skills, he is well above age cognitively. He was fortunate to learn typing on an AAC device as a mode of communication which has helped improve his quality of life. What is intriguing in this case is that the subject is very articulate when it comes to written communication, yet struggles with basic conversational speech. H’s communication challenges could broadly be placed under Apraxia of Speech diagnosis though there may be an overlap with other diagnoses related to communication. Since the loss of speech was at an early age, it is often referred to as Developmental Apraxia or Developmental Dyspraxia,.

Apraxia of Speech is an impaired ability to consistently produce and sequence the facial/oral muscles to produce the sounds and syllables required in spoken language. H has reported that he knows what he wants to say but he is not able to sequence that thought into actual speech at that particular moment. He also exhibits other oral-motor skill issues such as challenges in properly chewing food. Studies of brain lesions of patients with Apraxia of Speech provide evidence of impairment in the left precentral gyrus of the insular cortex. Other studies have confirmed the findings that “articulation activated the left insular insula.

Spontaneous talking requires information to flow from the sensory-motor association cortex into the posterior language area of Broca’s area. Then the act of talking itself requires some significant and rapid movement, sequencing and coordination of numerous facial and oral motor muscles (tongue, lips, jaw) along with the vocal chords. Broca’s area along with the inferior caudal left front lobe is implicated in, “memories of sequences of muscular movements used to articulate words,” (Carlson). In addition, Broca’s area is also directly connected to the part of the primary cortex that controls speech muscles. So Broca’s area seems to be a major player in H’s case.

H does not seem to exhibit significant challenges in the precursors to spoken language - such as perception of present and past events, memories (with some occasional deficits in short term memory), thoughts and the desire to communicate. Comprehension does not seem to be impacted, which seems to rule out Wernicke’s area as a source of concern. Wernicke’s area is however connected to Broca’s area through the arcuate fasciculus, also known as the Phonological Loop. This connection seems to play a role in the short term memory of speech sounds. H has exhibited difficulty in repeating back longer strings of words or forgetting the speech sounds of words he’d just read aloud.

There are elements of aphasia involved in that H exhibits anomia (groping for words) in addition to difficulty with articulation. H likens his word finding difficulty to a, “spotlight effect;” when placed in a situation where he is required to speak, adding to the “tongue-tied” result, which in his case is word-retrieval difficulty. If a beginning sound such as the sound “M” is given to him as a prompt, he may cycle through his mental dictionary of words starting with that sound. For example if therapist Michael (vs Michelle) is at the door, H may greet him as, “Hi Michelle,” and a few other names, before arriving at the correct, “Hi Michael.” The word retrieval difficulty ranges from mild to significant on any given day. H’s history has included EEG’s showing mild disturbances in the temporal lobe. Studies of brain lesions have linked the temporal lobe to the word-retrieval issues.

Studies have found parallels between spoken language and written language. For example H, exhibits difficulty in the prosody (rhythm, tone, emphasis) of spoken language which is believed to be controlled by neural connections in the right hemisphere. In his handwriting attempts too, there is disruption in the motor organization of the letters and spacing on the page, believed to be controlled by the dorsal parietal lobe and the premotor cortex. The act of handwriting activates the dorsal parietal lobe, the premotor cortex and the primary cortex. H exhibits poor motor memory of the motor sequences of space, size and spacing of letters that is required for handwriting. Both attempts at speech and attempts at handwriting therefore are labored and prone to errors. Communication via typing has somewhat simplified the motor aspects of forming letters for H as that requires keys to be pressed as compared to gripping a pen and drawing letters.

The overarching nature of the Autism Spectrum, with little knowledge of its physiological underpinnings means that there could be many other factors which play into the communication challenges. What is intriguing in H’s case (and frustrating for H himself) is the huge chasm between his motor ability (both speech and writing) and his comprehension and cognition skills. Basic communication, especially spontaneous speech, is however a critical aspect of daily human functioning and hence its lack greatly affects the individual’s quality of life. Our scientific understanding of neural workings, unfortunately have not yet reached a level where it translates into meaningful treatment manipulation.

Psych 22: Biological Psychology

Winds of Change

Winds of change

Mangled Cognitive distortions

Oppressive muddy skies

Swallowed by emotional whirlpool

Lost anchor to the gentle breeze

Tornado rages on

No respite...

Blazing an unwanted path

OCDs gleely plunge in.

Anchor buffeted about

Try, try, But how?

Drowning mind needs to stretch

An anchor out of reach

A tsunami at sea, tailspin

Autism and the ANS

A writeup I did for my college Biological Psychology Course

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Hari Srinivasan

Psych 22: Biological Psychology

Autism and the ANS

Abstract

Autism as a spectrum disorder is still not fully understood as it comes in many variants which indicate varied underlying psychological basis. This paper discusses the role of the nervous system in Autism, specifically the Autonomic Nervous System. While research is underway in the path towards its biological underpinnings, a much better understanding is required before it can translate into meaningful treatments in order to improve the quality of life for the affected ASD population.

Autism and the Nervous System

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a lifelong neurological disorder with its onset commonly in early childhood. The DSM-V classification of ASD is largely based on observable external behaviors such as deficits in social-emotional skills, repetitive behaviors, and communication skills. However the condition also seems to be accompanied by a whole host of co-morbid conditions such as ADHD, mood disorders, sleep disorders, intellectual disability, obsessive compulsive behaviors, and sensory dysregulation. Epigenetics could also play a role wherein the environment affects gene expression. A mix and match of varying degrees of severity in these parameters result in huge numbers of people that fit this spectrum disorder. One in every 110 children is being diagnosed with ASD in the US today . The severity ranges from individuals who are non -verbal and/or with many challenging behaviors to those who are barely distinguishable from their peers.

There has been an increasing focus on the role the nervous system plays in the physiological underpinnings of autism. For instance, my personal experience as a person in the ASD spectrum points to the inability of the ASD individual’s nervous system to handle environmental input as the probable cause behind the atypical “stim” (ie: self stimulatory) mannerisms. An example is walking into a crowded room and hearing every conversation in the room at the same volume, and being unable to filter out the ones the individual needs to focus on. The ASD individual may resort to atypical behaviors like flicking fingers in front of his eyes, generating their own verbal sounds or even banging their hands on their heads, all in an attempt to drown out the environmental visual and auditory cacophony. Social and communication skills are part of a typical person’s toolbox in coping with stressful situations; deficits in these areas often prevent an easy resolution for the ASD individual, heightening the problem. So sensory stimulation can result in hyper-arousal, hypo arousal or sensory seeking behaviors in ASD individuals.

My personal observation and experience as an individual on the ASD spectrum has also been that of an unclear sense of body-schema which could well be the cause of the constant movement exhibited by many on the spectrum. It is almost as though the brain has to continually ascertain the position of the parts of the rest of the body in space and time. The continual movement of the body (a movement disorder) could be an adaptive effort to keep this connection between brain and body alive. Without the movement, it would be like a brain that was lost as it did not feel attached to the body. A sense of panic could well set in when waking up in the dark at night and feeling body-less, thereby affecting sleep patterns and mood. According to the Subiaul et al (2007), “ It is well known that individuals with autism have poor body schemas and suffer from impairments in motor functioning, and planning.” Ergo, ASD individuals exhibit atypical Autonomic Nervous System activity,

The Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) is part of the Peripheral Nervous System. The ANS regulates our internal organs thus involving a lot of actions that are involuntary in nature. The ANS has 3 parts - the Sympathetic Nervous System, the Parasympathetic Nervous System and the Enteric Nervous System. The Sympathetic, “controls functions that accompany arousal and expenditure of energy,” while the parasympathetic, “controls functions that occur during relaxed state,” (Carlson, 2013). Many studies have backed observations about atypical ANS activity in Autism, such as the study by Schaaf et al. (2015) which found that ASD participants exhibited, “a different pattern of parasympathetic activity”. Changes in heart rate (specifically RSA or Respiratory Sinus Arrythma) in response to sensory stimuli is an oft-used measure of Parasympathetic activity in studies due to its non-invasive nature while variants of EGC’s are needed for measuring sympathetic activity (Schaaf et al., 2015). Schaaf et al. also point to other studies that show atypical arousal levels in sympathetic system in ASD individuals. Interestingly the sympathetic activity decreased in some studies and increased in other studies, leading researchers to conclude that ASD individuals would, “engage in self-stimulatory or active sensory seeking behaviors to either dampen or increase sympathetic levels in order to calm or arouse themselves,” respectively (Schaaf et al, 2015). Even as scientists and researchers agree more and more on ANS dysregulation in the ASD population, “the exact nature of the ANS dysregulation is [still] not clear,”.

Such self stimulatory mannerisms and movement issues, being almost involuntary in nature, pose one of the biggest challenges for an ASD individual and their families as they are considered socially inappropriate and make societal inclusion and acceptance all that much harder for the ASD individual especially as an adult. It is clear that further insight into understanding the biological underpinnings of the ANS dysregulation in Autism is necessary before it can translate into meaningful and targeted treatments for the ASD population. For instance, the neurotransmitters, acetylcholine and norepinephrine play a major role in the ANS; the manipulation of which via pharmaceuticals could potentially play a future role in treatment and thereby improving the quality of life for ASD individuals. In the meantime, many in the Autism population continue to muddle through their overwhelming sensory environment hampered by a dysregulated Autonomic Nervous System.

A Frame of Reference - My Kiersey Myer Briggs Results

A Frame of Reference

My environment and I have a curious relationship. My somatosensory system is quite out of whack for the most part in trying to cope with the zillion gigabytes of information that is thrown my way. My system is simply overwhelmed most of the time producing in its wake a myriad of emotions, anxiety, obsessive compulsive and impulsive behaviors, and atypical behaviors. Combined with deficits in speech, fine motor skills and some body coordination issues, the result is my confusing spectrum diagnosis of Autism with a comorbid diagnosis of ADHD thrown into the mix. At the same time I am pretty intelligent cognitively. I can use my right and my left brain quite effectively, being good in both math/logic/science and creative expression. It is as though my cognition and my motor skills each travel on their own separate path. I am tossed around in a sea of emotions while trying to cope with the extremes of my challenges and strengths. It is only to be expected that an interplay of all these factors play a role in determining my personality, learning styles, self-concept, self-esteem and conflict resolution styles.

The learning style assessment seem to correctly reflect my tendency towards the Kinesthetic and Visual. Touch and movement helps in keeping my body grounded and organized, in that it keeps the connection between body and brain alive. In my mind too, I tend to form tactile images and memories. Many times however, my physical movement can be too much wherein it becomes distracting rather than conducive to learning; it really messes with my short term memory. Too much movement is exhausting. Visual input is especially important as it is tied into my proprioception (body position) and vestibular systems, so much so that darkness or closing my eyes can leave me feeling lost. I am struggling with the closing eyes part of learning meditation (to help calm me). Waking up to darkness at night can at times bring on a sense of panic. The visual system is the one I use most for academics. My hyper-sensory system along with a multi-tasking brain allows me to pick up nuances beyond the obvious, complete the required analysis, almost like a virtual networking map, and sequence the thought in mere moments, possibly contributing to my intelligence. During learning, my mind has a simultaneous approach wherein dendrites creep into the main concept and analyze details even as extra sensory input is looking outside and beyond the concept. Conversely, when creating, neurons almost massage a thought with charges such that it bubbles out into bigger cohesive ideas. The creative process is an absolute rush. I usually read very fast, kind of glancing at each page. My lack of motor dexterity however means that it takes forever to slowly type out the solution or my thoughts (like the proverbial tortoise) which my brain has reasoned out in mere seconds (the hare) , much to my chagrin. Auditory input is the hardest to deal with; the environmental cacophony at times aggravating the disorganization in the brain. But auditory is useful in learning pleasant sounds like music, sanskrit slokas or complex mentally challenging material- I can learn these often just by listening and do not need written material. My non-existent handwriting skills, and my reliance on support staff to make notes for me, means I often have to rely on what I hear and see, and use mental mapping to organise ideas and solve problems. Though I am reasonably good at math, my handwriting deficits also means I have to rely on special software for math symbols, in addition to not be able to do rough work on paper for math, which makes me nervous during testing time.

My Kiersey/ Myer-Briggs personality scores were equivalent for Introvert-Extrovert and higher for Intuitive (vs Sensing), Feeling (vs Thinking) and Judging (vs Perceiving) . My major issue with the Kiersey scoring was that I was torn between the ability of my brain and the inability of my physical responses when answering the questions, so I was wavering back and forth. Hampered speech and other challenges means I am unable to externally perform many tasks; I am still dependent on support staff to get much of my life going. My thought processes on the other hand are not dependent on motor skills, so they fly on a different plane. My disability forces me into an introvert role though I am mentally very people-oriented. Again though I love the spontaneity of a Perceiver (new neural pathways!), I am forced into a Judger role as predictability and organization are better for the resultant anxieties of dealing with my numerous challenges. I tend to be an idealist but lack the ability to implement much of the thought behind it. I felt the test was lacking somewhat as a true measure of my personality.

My Multiple Intelligence scores were above 4 for Logic/Math and Language and above 3 for Music, Self, Nature and Social, with Kinesthetic at the bottom with a score of 1. This was not surprising as Math, Language and Music patterns are all brain activities and I would be good at them. However the Birmingham Grid showed Kinesthetic at the top which was odd, as my crazy body movements are far from endearing,

I have huge issues with both Self Concept and Self Esteem. Even after I learnt to type and was able to communicate that I was capable of more than a dead-end special ed classroom, my school district was reluctant to mainstream me, forcing a homeschool route, rather than waste years litigating. What hurt intensely was the very people responsible for nurturing and educating me, were denying me education in addition to the many social opportunities that my typical peers take for granted as part of school life. Ironically, I ranked at grade 12 for math and college level for language in the psych-ed assessment done by the charter school. The most positive accolade in my school years was the trip to Carnegie Hall in New York to receive a Scholastic National Gold Award for my writing (the publication with a forward by Nobel Laureate Elie Wiesel that followed was an unexpected bonus). I especially liked the accompanying letter from Scholastic which stated, “You have demonstrated that you are an accomplished young writer and that you have the potential to do great things, no matter what profession you pursue.” More than anything, it was an acknowledgement of my talent and potential. I have managed to garner some 44 writing awards for writing since and even made it to high school valedictorian and national honor society. I even managed to work on a national archives project writing project that will be displayed at the Smithsonian in addition to being the editor for a braille periodical. The writing awards and academic awards are a balm but I seem to be a one-trick pony at the end of the day. I can be a great writer and have brilliant academic papers but the rest of my life is still a mess. I am fearful about the uncertainty of my future. I worry about the undue stress I place on my family. I worry about my health, the number of meds I take and their long term implications. I fear rejection by others and being alone. Support staff turnover is high as my behaviors are considered challenging to work with, which makes me wary of forming attachments as they may soon leave anyway. Subconsciously, I feel I almost act out to facilitate their departure and lessen any potential attachment. I long for interaction with actual friends, not just the ‘likes’ of 200 virtual facebook friends. Hampered skills due to my disability heighten anxieties and stop me from being productive and waste much of my days. I have regular Cognitive Behavior Therapy just to help me deal with my insecurities, anxieties, meltdowns and help me think more positively. My emotional roller coaster is not an easy ride. Ironically, I scored middle of the road on the self-esteem test, which I was felt was due to the questions themselves such as whether I could list my positive and negative qualities. It is not as though I don’t have some great strengths. I have been an inspiration to parents of other children with Autism. I’ve also been fortunate to have the handful of positive people in my life looking out for me and digging out opportunities for me. But I worry I will drive them away due to the excesses of my challenges. In essence, my self-esteem and self-concept suffer due to the chasm like gap between my significant strengths and equally significant challenges.

I have to agree with the my high score in Avoidance in the Thomas Killman Conflict Mode Assessment. I overthink and overanalyze the situation to an such extent that it ends with an unfavorable outcome in my mind. Which means I will do my best to avoid the conflict if possible. Avoiders are emotional to boot and I am all over the map with emotion regulation. Communication deficits and lack of coping skills put their oar in as well. What was intriguing to learn was that the Avoidance category often have had a childhood with lots of putting down and negative experiences - that’s special ed in my case. I have overheard all kinds of conversations in special ed classrooms in front of us as though we didn’t even exist. Autism does not mean deaf! The content has at times been mean and critical of us. No child should be subject to that. I’ve even had two elementary level teachers remark in my presence that they did not want me in their class. The saga apparently continues and more Berlin Walls are constructed in front of my eyes. Perhaps avoidance may be a good strategy in many of the frustrating situations I face; the other extreme alternative being excessive anxiety and emotional meltdowns. I apparently have a lot of personal baggage to overcome and will be facing a lot of naysayers all my life who will not look beyond the external disability. I want to make something of my life. I want possibility to turn into viable opportunity. I want to make my skills translate into something meaningful and help me and others like me along the way. Competition was my next highest score on the Thomas Killman conflict assessment, but inability due to the deficits in physical and communication skills often end in frustration. I feel I often am forced to settle for second best which adds to the sense of frustration.

I am hoping that meds and different therapies and treatments will help improve my emotion regulation, speech and sensory/organization issues. It has been 18 years and I am waiting on researchers to come through for me. I hope that attempts at CBT, yoga, meditation and other therapy will also ultimately pay off and help me attain some measure of living at peace with myself, my environment and people around me. I want my life to be useful and meaningful even as I crave equanimity, the ocean of tranquility.

Retrograde Motion

A Matter of Perspective - Retrograde Motion

Sometimes Mars seems to move backward - every wonder why! Perhaps its a matter of Perspective

Red Moon

What an amazing Total Lunar Eclipse Tonite. The press have dubbed it Supermoon, with the Full Moon closest to earth, at its perigee.

Why a Red Moon - the Red is due to the Earth's atmosphere (Rayleigh scattering).

The earth's atmosphere bends sunlight that passes through it. But only longer wavelenghts of light (red) are able to pass through the earth's atmosphere to reach the moon. The shorter wavelengths (blue) are absorbed/scattered by atmosphere.

A rare phenomena not to be repeated till 2033.

On the basics of Solar & Lunar Eclipses

Time to Recalculate - Your Zodiac Slipped

We are all aware of the 12 Zodiacs Signs which are basically the 12 constellations in our sky. Ancient astrologers arrived at these 12 zodiacs based on calculations of their view of the sky during their times.

Our view of the sky has changed since - in fact we now have 13 Zodiacs. There is a new constellation called Ophiuchus.

The zodiac you knew all along could just be off by a month or you could be in a brand new zodiac too. How about that?

Precession of the Equinoxes

We are all familiar with the first 2 motions of earth The Earth orbits the Sun in a 365 day cycle
The Earth rotates on its axis in an approximate 24 hr cycle.

But there is a third and less known motion of the Earth known as the Precession of Equinoxes. The axis of Earth itself wobbles /gyrates like a top in a 26,000 year cycle. It stands to reason that our view of the night sky will change as a result over time.

Polaris, our current north star for instance, is 1 degree off the North Celestial Pole. In around 12,000 years, our north star will be Vega. We will be back to Polaris again when the cycle completes.

Celestial Sphere and Ecliptic: For an observer on earth, our visible sky seems to move around us in a counterclockwise fashion on the inner surface of a giant imaginary Celestial Sphere. The Ecliptic is basically the apparent annual path of the sun against the background of the stars or the projection of Earth’s orbital place on the celestial sphere.

Traditional Western Astrology, gives us the 12 zodiac signs. The zodiac sign corresponds to the position of the sun relative to constellations on the Ecliptic. ie: which constellation was the sun in the day you were born. Ancient Astrologers calculated that each constellation was approx 30 degrees in the ecliptic, 30 deg for Aries, 30 degrees for Taurus etc… starting in around 600 BCE. Under this system

Aquarius Jan 20- Feb 18, Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20, Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19, Taurus Apr 20 - May 20, Gemini May 21 - Jun 20, Cancer Jun 21 - July 22, Leo July 23 - Aug 22, Virgo Aug 23 - Sep 22, Libra Sep 23 - Oct 22, Scorpio Oct 23-Nov 21. Sagittarius Nov 22- Dec 21, Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19

That is, a person born on Feb 22 (me) would fall under the Pisces astrological sign. The same method of calculation has however continued over the millennia without taking into account the Precession of the Equinoxes. The celestial equator (projection of our equator on the celestial sphere) has also moved due to the Precession of the Equinoxes. (Where the celestial equator meets the ecliptic are the vernal and autumnal equinoxes.) The intersection of the celestial equator and the ecliptic has moved off west by almost 36 degrees (approx 1/10 of its cycle) currently. So all the zodiac signs have slipped off by around a month. So when we correct for the Precession of the Equinoxes, the correct zodiac sign for the Feb 22nd born per today’s sky is Aquarius.

In fact there is a 13th constellation visible in the ecliptic now. The southern part of constellation Ophiuchus or the Serpent bearer appears between Scorpius and Sagittarius during spring and summer.

Capricorn - Jan 20 - Feb 16, Aquarius - Feb 16 - Mar 11, Pisces - Mar 11 - Apr 18, Aries - Apr 18 - May 13, Taurus - May 13 - Jun 21, Gemini - Jun 21 - Jul 20, Cancer - Jul 20 - Aug 10, Leo - Aug 10 - Sep 16, Virgo - Sep 16 - Oct 30, Libra - Oct 30 - Nov 23, Scorpius - Nov 23 - Nov 29, Ophiuchus - Nov 29 - Dec 17, Sagittarius - Dec 17 - Jan 20

The zodiac you knew all along could just be off by a month or you could be in a brand new zodiac too. How about that?

Choosing to Help

A personal reflection for a Psychology assignment

Choosing to Help and Myer-Briggs Personality Type

Reflect on your own experiences with choosing to help or not help others.

I think my having autism has probably influenced my thinking and perception quite a bit. Perhaps it may not have been so, if I did not have this disability.

I've had autism almost all my life and for many years I really had no avenue of communication with others, being non-verbal. I also have lots of sensory issues which make me hyperactive and seem almost attention deficit and a bunch of fine motor issues too. There is this huge mind-body disconnect.

Whatever was tried eg: picture icons etc were so limited in nature. The icons were usually ones that the teacher thought I needed to communicate (not what I wanted to communicate). But can human communication be limited to 20 objects on a page for months on end. Very simple lessons (which I could grasp in a few minutes) were repeated months/years on end. It was dismal and I tuned out for most part out of sheer boredom. Of course this was viewed as my not being able to learn by my teachers and other experts in the field. And I was not the only one. Year after year, I would see observe others in my situation or similar situations leading this quite hopeless existence. And from the conversations I would hear, there were hundreds of kids being diagnosed in my area itself.

I had plenty of time to just observe and ponder. Its intriguing - the conversations and discussions you hear and see, when you are assumed incapable of understanding. You may as well be a fly on the wall. It speaks a lot for the human nature - their public vs their private faces. It was perplexing and frustrating, yet ironically educational in way.

On a broarder level, predujuices seemed to permeate all aspects of society. There seemed to almost be this ignorance on the part of many which resulted in negative consequences for other target populations or individuals. There was this broad underlying commonality in all situations.

At 13, I was introduced to typing and finally able to communicate and then finally access an age-appropriate education at 14, that my typical peers took for granted. I found I could make a difference in changing influences and attitudes through my writing. Physically I have many challenges to overcome, but can at least communicate more specifics to researchers and doctors (be part of the solution) rather them guessing what the issues are.

I can be a productive member of society and a contributing member of society, albeit in my own way. Isn't that the purpose of human existence.

Instructor Feedback: Thank you for being so open. I can’t help but be intrigued about what you learned and heard while you felt you were a fly on the wall. I am sure it has given you a perspective on life that many your age have never even thought of.

What personality factors influenced your response?

My Myer Briggs personality type showed as INFP.

However I don't agree with everything that is listed under this category.

While my silent years have probably developed the intuitive, feeling and sensing part, I am extremely logical in my thinking too when it calls for. I can plan and organize things in my mind. This has become somewhat a necessity for me as I am a very slow typer. It takes a very short time to organize concepts, details and ideas in my mind or even absorb and analyze information, and a long time to type it all out. I hope to be a scientific researcher in addition to being an author/poet/writer.

I can be disorganized in my daily life but that is due to challenges of autism, not my mind. I do have emotional regulation challenges too but again that is part of the inability to physically do many tasks as well the teen hormones.

I don't see why a person should be classified into a slot - the human mind has the potential for so much more. Very true, the depths of the human mind is beyond comprehension, it is quite impossible to put someone in a slot.

The Boy At the Back

An essay for my Eng 1A class

The Boy at the Back

(A Snapshot of America)

Pens scratch words on paper as the students sit hunched over their desks. Other pens are lifted in mid-air as thoughts are pondered and organized in the canvas of the mind. The college classroom is quiet and the scent of concentration permeates the air. Some students sigh in relief at having finished their responses and get ready to leave. A myriad of students sit in the room, some with last names not easily pronounceable by the instructor. The melting pot of culture and ethnicity that is America is reflected in this community college classroom. But what is even more striking is the presence of the boy sitting in the back with significant disability challenges. That boy is me. I have non-verbal autism and a host of other issues. Yet here I am attending an advanced level English Composition college class. This snapshot essentially shows the promise, possibility, and opportunity inherent in America which now has transcended not just the barrier of ethnicity but also that of (dis)ability.

The very fact that a person with my level of challenges is able to attend college shows the promise of America. According to most reports by Psychologists and other professionals dated a few years back I was headed for an adult day program with college nowhere in the scene. I am non-verbal to start with. Add to that significant body disorganization, fine motor challenges, sensory dysregulation, and social anxiety. It was assumed I would not improve after the early intervention years of therapy during toddlerhood. Autism is just a label for the whole confused mix of disability and is wide in its scope. In my case it’s a mind-body disconnect of sorts but I was being judged merely on external observations. I had no way to overturn established opinions of me as I had no avenue of communication. An intelligent rational mind was buried under the irrational body. I was wasting away my years in a special education classroom learning two-digit addition and three-letter words. I was still subject to the preschool circle-time in special education at age 12. Where was all this mentally stimulating education that the American dream spoke of? Lady Liberty was not delivering her promise to citizens like me. After high school I would be in one adult day program followed by another day program for older adults above age 50. I was doomed to a life of monotonous nothingness. I had wondered then if I would ever get the opportunity of attending a typical classroom. What a contrast from the snapshot above. For it was quite by accident that I stumbled onto learning to communicate via typing at age 13. There was more to me than just an errant excitatory body which I could exhibit at last. The road to mainstream education was not easily accessible and hard won for me. So that makes me appreciate it all the more. I eagerly lapped up Algebra, Shakespeare, Programming, and Biology. I empathized with Frederick Douglass who had realized the power and possibility of education in turning our lives around. It was not easy to change perceptions of what someone like me was capable of either. I still have a host of autism issues to deal with which constantly throw obstacles in my everyday life. It is both a maze and an obstacle course every day as I walk on unchartered territory. It is a lot of hard work and requires much physical effort. I made it through high school garnering multiple writing awards on the way and even made valedictorian. Who would have imagined all that in my silent years? I’m now attending college in my own limited way. There I sit in the college classroom snapshot. And no doubt many others will follow after me and along with me. That is the promise of America.

It takes a country like America with its mindset to provide opportunities via support and infrastructure to make college a reality for someone with significant disability issues like me. I may have a bright mind but without understanding lecturers, guidance from college disability counselors, accommodations, and my other support staff, education may continue to be an elusive goal. The very fact that such options are available speaks volumes about American life. It enables someone like me to be part of that snapshot. That is the opportunity in America.

I may be sitting at the back of the room but there lies the possibility that I too will come to the foreground as I find ways around my autism issues. My sitting at the back is symbolic in a way much like the slow and steady tortoise which caught up with the hare. Education is empowering as Frederick Douglass realized and can open up other hitherto closed doors. In addition, disability itself does not have to be limiting as Dr. Stephen Hawking shows us in modern times. Given the neurodegenerative nature of his disability Dr. Hawking currently has to use cheek twitches to select one character at a time on the computer screen. The text then has to be converted to speech via a speech synthesizer. It is a slow process but Dr Hawking does not allow his disability to limit the brilliant output of his mind. Technology has been a great enabler and it can only continue to improve. We live in America which is in the forefront of technology. Dr. Hawking’s communication devices are powered by non other than Intel. The snapshot does not show it clearly but there is an iPad in front of me. That is my communication device, my mouth so to speak. Dare I dream that I will make it all the way to PhD on my path to education? There is the possibility that I can be part of the solution on my way. Education will enable me to become a productive and contributing member of society. That is the possibility in America.

I see this promise, possibility, and opportunity in each and every person bent over their responses in the snapshot, not just me. That is why they are present in that room. That is why these students seek a college education. This English Composition class is a transfer course requirement which implies a desire to pursue a bachelors degree. A college degree leads to better careers. It is the promise of America. In addition, the significantly lower costs of community college allow them to pursue this promise no matter their economic background. In fact, President Obama wants to make community college itself free. That is the opportunity in America. And no longer is ethnicity a barrier to a better life if one pursues it with determination. The snapshot shows it all. That is the possibility of America.

At its crux, American life represents basic human life which has both ups and downs. Poverty, illness, housing, family, disability and other issues get in the way. Life with its little details can be exhausting but it can be exhilarating too. The promise of positives is what keeps the human spirit going forward. For a peek at the promise, possibility, and opportunity of America just look the boy at the back.

Only Light

My Raghavan Thatha (Grandpa) was in ICU in Jan 2015 (and passed away on Jun 10, 2015)
A Poem for my Thatha and Paati (Grandma)

14. Canyoning

Canyoning has simply got to be the most fun activity I’ve ever done. It has got to be the coolest way to explore a rainforest. And lets not forget going through waterfalls. How much better can it get. Talk about an adrenaline rush!

Canyoning as the term suggests is exploring canyons (in terrains such as rainforests in Costa Rica) by walking through the rivers/streams, rapelling down the canyon walls, going through waterfalls etc. We went through the La Roca company and again we found them to be very special needs friendly. I was assigned my own guide to ensure my safety. There was a guide at the top and at the bottom for each rapel down the canyon wall to make sure I did not collide against the rocks. The adventure started by putting on our harness and listening to the safety talk. In the rapel you have to hold onto the rope above you with your left hand while you slowly feed out the rope in your right hand positioned near your hip as you descend. You kind of bounce off the canyon walls with your feet. The idea is to do this slowly so that you come down slowly too. There were different kinds of rappels and dunks in some waterfalls. At one place we had to jump into the water from the rocks. There was even a zipline and a small Tarzan Swing. In the Tarzan Swing, they swing you across the gap and then rapel you down. We crossed a hanging bridge which again swayed a lot as people walked across. In between there were stomps through the little rippling streams of water. It finished off with a trek up back to their base camp. A delicious meal followed.

What can I say about Canyoning. My mundane dry description does not even scratch at what an excitement it was!

15. La Fortuna Waterfalls

Just one more day to go in Costa Rica and i was feeling a bit sad.

Yesterday’s Canyoning had been very satisfying and it seemed like nothing could beat it. A low key activity was called for and it was decided that we would visit the Catarata Rio Fortuna waterfalls in nearby La Fortuna. There is a steep half hour hike up and down to the falls and the parents were huffing and puffing. In situations like this it helps to be hyper and have all that excess energy. I think i could have flown those steps. The trail runs through more of the magnificent Costa Rican rainforest. The 200ft waterfall at the end of the trail was a site for sore eyes. Despite having seen muchos waterfalls yesterdays, can øne ever get tired of any number of las cascadas? The pool at the base of the waterfall was reasonably shallow and just the right temperature so we jumped right in.

16. Geothermal Hot Springs

A nearby volcano means geothermal springs.

The area sprouts resorts specializing in hot springs. We got a booking at a place called "The Springs" (what else!) and that's where we were headed that afternoon. The Springs Resort was a little off the beaten path. After a turn off the main road, the road became a dirt road which was quite steep in some places. It was getting dark and the drive did not look promising at all. But the lovely resort at the end was a pleasant surprise and well worth the visit. Spring water is pumped from the geothermal springs upto the resort, filtered and channeled into the resorts man made pools, complete with waterfalls, grottos and hot tubs for the visitors to bask in. Different pools have varying water temperatures to fit the needs of the individual. We started with the coolest pool and worked our way up to the hotter pools. The hottest one was 103 deg. The increased heat also heightened the sulfur smell that geothermal wate But it's all therapeutic and absolutely relaxing actually. My body felt really good after my two great soaks, first in the waterfall, then in the hot springs.

The best thing about the dinner buffet at The Springs has got to be the la sandia-piña juga (watermelon-pineapple juice). The rest of the dinner was nice but I'm gonna miss these fresh fruit juices in Costa Rica. By the time it's pasteurized and bottled over here, the freshness is gone.

17. Ticos, Ticas, Pineapple Plantations and More

There were lots of pineapple plantations on the drive from Arenal to San Jose.

Did you know that that Costa Ricans refer to themselves as Ticos (for the men) and Ticas (for the women)! They even have Tico time, as they habitually arrive late.

There are way too many Toll Bridges as you get close to San Jose. There are many many one lane bridges too in Costa Rica. San Jose itself has lots of confusing traffic rotundas.

Road Signs:

Ceda - Yield

Alto - Stop

more….

Its a pity my lovely vacation had to come to the end.

Part 1 [From San Jose to San Jose to San Jose, Bridge at Rio Tárcoles, Macaws at Jaco, Manuel Antonio - Views from Costa Verde Hotel, Playa Espadilla Sur @ Manuel Antonio]

Part 2 [ Ziplining at Quespos - a Canopy Adventure. Damas Estuary Boat Tour. Manuel Antonio National Park. Monte Verde - Dirt Roads and Windy Slopes. Cloud Forest. Hummingbirds in Hand, And a Sky Tram, Volcán Arenal ]

Part 3 [ Canyoning. La Fortuna Waterfalls. Geothermal Hot Springs. Ticos, Ticas, Pineapple Plantations and More.]