Daily Cal Orientation

Every semester, the Daily Cal has a new staff orientation. The Hearst Annex A auditorium was packed. It is a very large organization with many departments all of which have to run in unison. 
This was a fun orientation starting off with a Kahoot about the Daily Cal.  I learn more about the Daily Cal at each orientation. 

Communication Conundrum


What exactly intelligence is indeed still nebulous. I think, In my article, I was trying to frame the idea in a way that my typical peers could understand it. so perhaps that influenced my phrasing at that time - I was so nervous during my first edit meeting. A better word may perhaps be an exhibition of cognition/understanding maybe - the world around us uses the explicit outward exhibition of this ability to judge and decide whether to open opportunities or gatekeep us. I learn more every day about autism itself in the wider world - I never knew for instance that I should be using the phrase non-speaking instead of not nonverbal at that time.



In "Communication Conundrum" I address the importance of communication and presuming competence.

This is the first of my series of 10 articles for my weekly opinion column "The Person Inside" for the Daily Californian, where I speak of my lived experiences with autism. 
---------

THEME: The Person Inside

HEADLINE: Communication conundrum


What if you had no voice and no handwriting skills? What if your body was so disorganized that you couldn’t even do sign language or consistently point to what you wanted? What if there was no way for you to consistently communicate your thoughts and feelings to those around you? Would any of your needs be met, and would you be able to engage in any sort of meaningful social relationships and friendships?


For many nonverbal individuals with autism like me, this is our daily reality. It underlines the fact that communication is fundamental to society. 


Communication issues often mask intelligence in the autism population, affecting our inclusion in society. If you don’t have the ability to communicate effectively, you are hard-pressed to exhibit your intelligence. If you add body disorganization to the mix, you can’t consistently point to the right response among the set that the therapist places in front of you. After multiple incorrect responses, the therapist arrives at what seems like a logical conclusion: “This individual is incapable of learning.” 


This was my story until I turned 13. 


Learning to communicate through typing as a teen totally turned my life around. That was the start of my journey to UC Berkeley. With communication, I could exhibit that I was an intelligent individual who deserved access to the mainstream education that many of my neurotypical UC Berkeley peers have taken for granted all their lives.

 

A child that is perceived to be intelligent will automatically be placed in a stimulating classroom. A child who may be as intelligent but who is perceived to be incapable would be placed in a drastically different environment. The outcome for the former would be positive, while the outcome for the latter can only be frustration, often expressed in the form of maladaptive behaviors — which is a catch-22. Adding insult to injury, the latter is now labeled as both unintelligent and difficult. 


I was that difficult child acting out in frustration and dismay. 


The basic issue may be pure confusion over input and output systems. I believe that intelligence is an output issue, since you have to exhibit your intelligence to earn that label. But I learn at the same rate as my typical peers through observation and inference — in other words, my input systems are functioning fairly well. The mind of an autistic person can truly be a marvel, since we interact with our environment in rather unique ways, which lends unique perspectives. 


What differentiates us is our inability to exhibit those skills, especially if you are nonverbal like me. Nothing beats being able to talk. The speed and social opportunities it offers cannot be overstated. I find it frustratingly awkward to slowly type on a device while another person fidgets near me, not knowing whether to look at me or at my keyboard over my shoulder. 


The way I function in a social setting becomes so much more difficult when input systems are impaired. Think of it like static interference in internal signals — my mind may think one thing, but the signals get mangled in the motor task of carrying that out, be it through handwriting with my fingers or motor-planning speech with my mouth. We may end up smiling when we should be looking sad upon seeing someone fall. 


I am well aware of these deficits, which triggers parallel loops of anxiety, further worsening the signaling systems. Think about it: A typical student may get stressed during an interview and fumble as they attempt to retrieve information from their mind and formulate an elegant response. 


My every attempt at communication is like being under a stage spotlight — I get all nervous and start fumbling. My very attempt to effectively communicate may become a self-defeating prophecy further eroding my coping skills. Ironically, coping skills themselves are often tied to effective communication. 

If intelligence is thought to be an output issue, then we should not assume that an autistic individual is incapable of learning based on his mannerisms. Instead, the focus should be on improving communication skills while providing a stimulating environment. 


We autistics may yet surprise you, and we have a lot to contribute to society. I shouldn’t have had to wait for a chance meeting as a teen to lead me to communication. My special education teachers should have taught me typing instead of trying to restrict me to the dozen picture icons they decided I needed. Of course, other autism issues such as sensory dysregulation can make the act of typing itself hard. I am still a one-finger typer for the most part, and it took me a really long time to type out this one article.

Every day, I walk by the labs and research facilities on campus and I think, “Surely UC Berkeley can research a solution for us.” #InThisGen, I want to call on campus innovators to develop systems that make getting out what’s inside our heads easier, perhaps through the development of artificial intelligence or neural link technology. I want us all to help the world see the person inside.





Happiness Happens at Six

Each week, it’s an experience of savoring Happiness after a discussion class that ends at 6pm at Dwinelle Hall.

As you walk down the steps of Dwinelle Hall at 6pm, the bells of the Campanile start chiming accompanied by the music of the carillon.
 
You look up to see the top of the Campanile all lit up just behind Wheeler hall.

As you walk down the lamp-lit Dwinelle Plaza towards the bridge, the trickling sounds of the running water of Strawberry Creek add to the serenade just above the hum of students talking.

The light from the rising moon glows up over the trees between Wheeler and Sproul hall.

Neurotransmitters tap dance at the synapses of the brain as you meander under Sather gate towards Sproul plaza.

Happiness happens at Six!!
====

As the clock strikes six at Dwinelle Hall, 

The Campanile's bells start nightly call, 

Accompanied by carillon's sweet sound, 

Echoing through the campus grounds.


Under lamplight in Dwinelle Plaza, 

Rising moon glows over Wheeler Hall, 

Strawberry Creek's trickle adds to the stanza, 

Nature's serenade, a peaceful lull.


Neurotransmitters dance in the brain, 

In that stroll towards Sproul Plaza again, 

On Berkeley's campus, riding dreams.

Happiness happens at six, it seems,















In Awe of Awe



A PowerPoint presentation on Awe with my fellow student Kyana for my discussion class on Human Happiness. My slides have text-speech audio files attached for what I want to say. 


RPP - Participating in Research.


Another First for me at Cal - Being a participant in the research that is going on at Cal. 

Many of my psychology courses have RPP (Research Participation Program) credit but I've usually ended up doing the alternative assignment for the credit instead. Always been disappointed about this as I'm a psych student wanting to do my own research - so I would like to experience both sides. I can't believe with the enormous amount of research being done at Cal, there is no study that I can be involved in as a participant and which matches my profile. 

When I investigated before, it seemed like many were time-bound (I need extra time) or needed you to get into a fMRI machine while doing an activity (I need to be sedated before I agree to anything like that) or the participation time was super long (couple of hours) or required social skills such as talking or lot of fine motor skills.

Finally got my first short at research participation at the Hass XLab Social Science Experiment Lab at for my business course UGBA 105 Leading People at Hass Business School. It was just 20 mins long so ideal. Each half-hour of RPP is 0.5 credits and I need 5 credits. The GSI for the UGBA course, Ignacio, was happy to hear that I got some credits in and was telling me that I need to do a paper only any remaining credits - its a page of critical analysis of an Org Behavior article for each 0.5 RPP. 

Perhaps my psychological profile means I am left out of many studies by default. This sem, I missed the deadline for the pre-screen survey over the confusion of having to log into two different labs. Maybe that's why some studies are showing in the system for me to participate in.  Hmmmm...... did my disability cause the system to exclude me from studies?

Will have to try to be a participant in the research at the Psych Labs as well. After all, I'm a Psychology major. I need to complete  RPP credits for my current psych course as well.



RCEB Annual Meeting

Meeting my caseworker at RCEB Vincent for my annual review.


The issue I see is the same set of goals recycled year after year. 

While one part of my life (the Berkeley part, the access to higher education, college academics, activites etc) is currently growing great and is so thrilling and unbelievable for me, the rest of my life seems stuck in an endless loop. 

I need more body organization, more independence in my daily living skills and ability to handle myself, more mood regulation, more impulse control, less OCD, less anxiety. I'm stuck at the same level for years ... there seems no clear path to this at all. What are the social resources that have the patience and knowhow to help me? 

I'm a nowhere guy in a nowhere in-between land with a foot in two worlds of the "the put-together" autistics out in the community and those with significant support needs who society essentially wants to warehouse. 

Where is the niche for the unique me and the supports to enable it?

Two Years at Daily Cal

OMG, its been 2 years at the Daily Cal. I started off with a Weekly Column on Autism "The Person Inside." My first column appeared on 2/15
----
Introducing the Daily Cal Opinion Columnists - In this introductory video by the Daily Californian, the other opinion columnists and I explain what our columns are about. My introduction starts at 3:19
---
1. Communication ConundrumI speak on the importance of communication and presuming competence
2. Non-Verbal & College BoundI ask what does it take for a non-speaking autistic like me to access higher education. 
3. Sensory WalkaboutI attempt to explain the experiences of sensory dysregulation and "stimming" in autism. 
4. The Women in my LifeA tribute to the women in my life who gave that extra helping hand. 
5. First TransitionsI explain the rigidity and difficulty with transitions that can be characteristics of autism
6. Stephen Hawking: Inspiration and Aspiration - Along with the world, I mourned the passing of Dr. Stephen Hawking. A tribute and how he influenced my life. 
7. The Access Ramp to Volunteering - Lives whether abled or (dis)abled have to be worth living. The importance of volunteering vs just being the recipient of volunteering. 
8. Compulsion Complexity - I explain the phenomenon of obsessive-compulsive and repetitive behaviors that can often accompany autism. 
9. O Body, Where Art Thou? - The lack of Body Awareness is a little known phenomenon in autism. I attempt to explain the neuroscience. 
10. The Faces of Autism - If you meet one person with autism, you have met just one person with autism. The same diagnosis can have a thousand faces. 


The Fundamental Theorem of Hari

Explaining Hari in Calculus terminology -

The Fundamental Theorem of Hari

If I were a mathematical model,
A dynamic differential enigma I would be

Mind with limits to infinity plus infinity
Constrained by the equation of disability
Differentiate to optimize the formula of possibility
To produce the set of functions that maximizes me

Set of multivariable functions named Hari
Integrate the area under my mental capability
A smooth curve an impossibility, with denominator reality
Bumpy exponential curve and discontinuities, an inevitability

A rate of change of perpetuity
Seeking the Fundamental Theorem of Hari
Unresolved math model Hari
Waiting on solutions, estimations,.....
…...even approximations.
Data-mining mind neurons iteratively







Member of ASAN Board

It's confirmed. I'm a member of the ASAN board





==========

When I got asked by Exec Director, Julia Bascom,

 it was a resounding yes from me

https://autisticadvocacy.org/about-asan/leadership/

As Julia Bascom says on her Twitter - she is taller than everyone.


Other posts on ASAN








Spectrum at Cal plans for the Semester

3rd Board Meeting with a guest from another student org


First Board Meeting

Planning for the semester at the Board Meetings of "Spectrum at Cal"
We have a lot of autism activities planned for this semester on campus including the annual Autism Walk/run in April



ACI Leadership Academy

If you're a college-going student, consider applying.


The week-long annual ACI leadership academy organized by ASAN each summer is an incredible experience for any participant. Along with 18 other college-going students from across North America, I got to learn about autistic identity, self-worth and disability justice. As the only nonspeaking autistic in the group, I was exposed to a range of autistic views which expanded my thinking on autism itself during just the course of a week. 

A chord that really struck me was leadership of the most impacted - everyone means everyone; autistics with the most support needs such as the nonspeakers, can be its most valuable leaders. Identity itself is also about defining the worth of a person for themselves, rather than how productive that person is perceived to be by our society. Disability justice though, boils down to a world of interdependence rather than independence. It let me thinking that rather than demanding a seat at the table, our task could well be to redefine the table itself. 

The week of training builds up to the highlight of Hill Day where participants get to meet and make a case to staffers on Capitol HIll. The week provided a valuable toolbox of strategies and thinking to carry forward in our future lives in addition to building lifelong friends.





Masks and Mazes

Masks and Mazes


Reality obscured, a
camouflage. Concealed masks lie to
impunity. Facade and veneer of
conformity. Window dressing or salad dressing?

Mere fig leaf is the outward
mask. Traverse beneath the labyrinth
maze. Mesh of ever networked
quandaries. No balls of string to unravel.

Convolutions of winding
intricacies. Near stupor and
perplexity. Face the mask, Mind the
maze. Subconscious seeks illumination.

Face masks set within societal
boundaries. No extra
possibilities. Mind mazes explore distant
galaxies. Just sheer opportunities.

Masks predominate and
subjugate. Countermand this oppressive
tide. Explode thought
boundaries. Nurture budding edification