This is just too cool!! I get congratulated by the Chancellor
Autistic Burnout
What is it?
Autistic burnout can affect the ability to function in daily life, and may be accompanied by symptoms such as depression, meltdowns, anxiety, and executive dysfunction.
Causes
It is a result of prolonged exposure to stressors, such as sensory overload, social demands, and other challenges.
University Medal Finalist
Another piece of good news. I'm a university medal finalist; in the graduating class of 11,000 students across all disciplines. Berkeley has been good to me.
https://news.berkeley.edu/2022/05/09/in-times-of-crisis-2022-university-medal-finalists-summoned-resilience-hope/
What character or experience sets the Class of 2022 apart?
“Resilience in readjusting back to a world of many new normals and new possibilities. For instance, it has been a bit harder to sit in a physical classroom now; it’s like many social skills built up over the years got lost in the void of a two-year lockdown. My motor system is in an uncertain state, at best, so there is a bit of a relearning curve involved for many like me. There are, however, many positives in our new normal, such as the possibility for remote or hybrid employment and education, which will benefit so many disabled folks like me.”
What has been a challenge you faced at Berkeley and how did you address it? “I loved that at Berkeley I was surrounded by non-judgmental peers who were open to inclusion, except they often didn’t know how to include, a major reason being they have not been exposed to many spoken communication-challenged autistics like me at the college level. My navigating Cal meant thinking of solutions from two ends — for me, personally, and strategies as to how others in that group could go about including me. An example is that I took on the introduction part in the debate team in professor David Presti’s introduction to neuroscience class instead of attempting the later rounds, which required more rapid responses. So I was part of the team, contributing, instead of just existing on the sidelines. This has obviously been easier in structured academic situations than in social settings.
You Never Gave Up on Me
Dedicated to the EXTRAORDINARY MOMS and DADS and PARENTS out there,
on behalf of your extraordinary child.
You held me in your arms, oh mother mine
When I was a mere wrinkled newborn babe
You gazed at me with love and joy
Just as all young mothers do.
I walked my first step and said my first word
With pride, you watched my every move
You expected me to walk the predictable path
Just as all young mothers do.
You watched me slip and slide away
Wondering why I didn't do what other kids do
I stopped making eye contact with you
And stopped the spoken words too
A well of sadness entered your eyes
The smile not always in place
Perplexed and puzzled
Do I know this child of mine at all?
But, you rolled up your sleeves
You never gave up on me
You took the other fork on the road
The one without the map
You struggled and searched for solutions
You fought endless battles for me
You put your fists up and took a stance
And you never gave up on me
Lost in the desert of sadness
You changed your perception of things
You summoned new strength and courage
From the unfathomable deep
You changed your whole life for me
And, you never gave up on me
You coaxed every small victory out of me
Pride overflowed from your eyes
Steps of this extraordinary child
Of quite the extraordinary mom
You do the job of a dozen people
And you never gave up on me
Exhausting is the journey you're on
Exhilarating only some of the time
I am not the typical child you thought you'd raise
New challenges lie in the path every day
To the extraordinary mom who holds my hand
And who never gave up on me.
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I wrote this poem sometime during high school. But I feel it is still so relevant even today. This poem is dedicated to all those wonderful and amazing moms and dads and parents out there who did not give up on their disabled child. Thank you for your dedication and fortitude, in rolling up your sleeves and taking on the world for us, without even knowing how to go about it.
I think back to the story of the frog who climbed to the top of the well amidst discouragement from the crowd that the task was impossible; turns out the frog was deaf so had not heard the discouragement, so made it all the way to the top.
This is what parents of the children seen as having more challenging disabilities face every day. From the get go, they are nudged to tone down expectations of their children, not to expect much. Lady Liberty did not hold up her torch of the American Dream for that child.
Over the years, I have seen many of my peers disappear one by one into the void of the system (out of sight and out of mind of society), as the once eager and enthusiastic parents reach a state of burnout and exhaustion, with this constant barragement of discouragement and lack of support. Other adult peers who have aged out of the special education system are sitting at home with their aging parents as adult day programs want “easy to manage” adults (sheep!!), even as there is a dearth of support systems for the ones with “behaviors.” It is like a battle for the classroom placements and supports during the school district years, starting all over again in adulthood for many.
Thank you to all the extra-ordinary parents out there, for your support and embrace, when the world seems to abandon us at every new stage, not just when we were children but as adults and possibly even when we are middle aged. For many with more significant disabilities, our parents and siblings are likely the only family we will ever have. I wonder who will be there as this lifelong pillar, when we are senior citizens ourselves, where we are not just battling aging issues but also the nature of our disability may mean that not all of us reach a level where we are able to take care of ourselves and have to depend on the largesse of paid staff for a decent quality of life.
Parents, Yours is truly a dedication of a lifetime. Thank you.
Last Lecture
As a graduating senior I got to attend a college tradition, a very motivational, Last Lecture by Astrophysics professor, Alexei Filipenko of the exploding supernova and black holes fame. Berkeley has all these amazing faculty who are just so interesting and engaging to listen to. You are just swept away when listening to them. For instance, when Prof Filippenko explains hawking radiation in class, he comes dressed as a black hole, and scatters shiny candy around class. And of course his t-shirt says, Dark Energy is the new black.
It was a lovely last lecture that led us through his personal journey, and his work, which was quite incredible to hear as well as motivational. He really focused on how how endless curiosity led him to where he is today.
The late Carl Sagan had said there were three important characteristics we needed, kindness, kindness and kindness. Professor Filippenko added empathy and curiosity to that list.
Oh, and the picture on the bottom is a quote from Socrates which says Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel. I think back to what Swami says about character being the end of education.
Thesis Submission
My year long research, my undergrad Honors capstone research as a Haas Scholar, was finally submitted this morning.
All 66 pages of it.....
This is what the cover page looks like.
I got covered by Berkeley Grad Diversity
I got covered by Grad Diversity
Full article: https://grad.berkeley.edu/news/announcements/a-thirst-for-education-and-autism-advocacy/
“Though it was a sense of duty that initially drew me to participate in GiGS as a mentor, it has been my absolute privilege to know Hari and be a small support in his journey to graduate school. I am positive he will accomplish wonderful things at Vanderbilt and beyond.” Lindsey Burnside. Hari's GiGs mentor
...
Hari is very clear about what drives his passion for higher education. “A college degree and above is what gets you a seat at the table, where you get to be part of the conversion about who gets access to spaces, funding, and resources. If we want to see change, belonging, acceptance, and other solutions for autistics, we need to see more autistics in higher ed. And we need to see all profiles of autistics, including the most marginalized autistics, for this change to be meaningful.”But for Hari, just having a seat at the table is not enough. “I want to be able to redefine the table itself, whether it’s academically or in advocacy. A fair and inclusive world does not just have to be a myth. We need to work actively to make the possibility a reality. Everyone deserves the same opportunity of education, inclusion, and belonging.”
Daily Cal covers me
In an about turn, I'm being written about by someone else at the Daily Cal.
Daily Californian: UC Berkeley wins Soros Fellowship to pursue PhD.
Full article: https://www.dailycal.org/2022/04/25/uc-berkeley-senior-hari-srinivasan-wins-soros-fellowship-to-pursue-ph-d/
At Berkeley, Srinivasan has already been conducting undergraduate research in the area of autism as a Haas scholar, according to Haas Scholars program manager and advisor Leah Caroll. Caroll said Srinivasan has looked specifically at how those with autism process emotions differently from non-autistics. In doing so, he has broken down common stereotypes about those with the disability, she added.
“It’s interesting that his scholarship is in itself a form of activism,” Caroll said.
In addition to writing more than 50 articles for The Daily Californian, Srinivasan is a member of Phi Beta Kappa and Psi Chi, leads a DeCal dedicated to educating peers about autism and serves as a national activist for policy reform surrounding disabilities, according to Caroll.
Caroll added that despite his commitments, Srinivasan goes out of his way to help his peers in the Haas Scholars program.
“He’s been extraordinarily generous with his time and expertise,” Caroll said. “He’s taught everyone about different ways of communicating.”
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https://flipboard.com/@thedailycal/news-0brl6vv8z/uc-berkeley-senior-hari-srinivasan-wins-soros-fellowship-to-pursue-ph-d/a-A5xuoZcdTBi5nARLAlHynw%3Aa%3A2444082641-b8f0e80a36%2Fdailycal.org
Departmental Citation
An honor. Thank you Professor Dacher Keltner for nominating me.
More than anything, it is super humbling to be recognized by educators, who actually help enable my success through their support and empathy.
The Departmental Citation Award was initiated in 1955 by the Committee on Prizes to recognize distinguished undergraduate work in each department. The Departmental Citation is awarded to the top undergraduate in the Psychology Department based on all aspects of academic life including: research, coursework, writing, and service to the university.
More than anything, it is super humbling to be recognized by educators, who actually help enable my success through their support and empathy.
Campus Lockdown
https://www.dailycal.org/2022/04/21/uc-berkeley-students-advised-to-shelter-in-place-in-person-services-canceled-following-credible-campuswide-threat/
https://abc7news.com/amp/uc-berkeley-shelter-in-place-cal-active-shooter-threat-emergency-near-campus-police/11776955/?fbclid=IwAR1xvGohp9m7gfY6_KA-EBCMc0FjQvhK4HbFkgeJ-y41EoAtQLdfXo6DrgI
https://patch.com/california/berkeley/uc-berkeley-under-shelter-orders-amid-unspecified-emergency-cops?utm_source=alert-breakingnews&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=alert
UPDATE: Shelter orders have been lifted at UC Berkeley, campus police announced in a 1:41 p.m. alert.
Authorities were seeking a person who "may want to harm specific individual," campus police said in an earlier alert. It is not clear whether the person was located or whether anyone was taken into custody in connection with the disturbance.
"The shelter in place has been lifted," the alert said. "Please leave the campus in a safe and orderly way via the closest route available. UCPD has determined based upon its investigation that it is appropriate to end the shelter in place. Buildings will remain locked."
UC Berkeley has been under lockdown all day Thursday due to an unspecified emergency, campus police said.
Police said they're seeking someone who "may want to harm specific individual."
The Daily Californian reports that the person has barricaded themself at the Cesar E. Chavez Student Center's room 501, and that the person was heard on a UCPD scanner claiming that "I am the reason why this is all happening!"
UPDATE: Berkeleyside's Ally Markovich reported seeing three helicopters flying overhead in a 10:54 a.m. tweet.
A KRON report updated at 10:52 a.m. describes a chaotic scene on campus in which students are still roaming the campus amid admonitions of officers to go inside.
A KRON report updated at 10:52 a.m. describes a chaotic scene on campus in which students are still roaming the campus amid admonitions of officers to go inside.
UPDATE: The campus-wide warning came through on cell phones just as students were heading into their morning classes, prompting hundreds to turn around and run back to their dorms. Students reported huddling down in their dorm rooms while trying to find out if a shooting had occurred or if a shooter was on campus.
UPDATE: An administrator texted the UC Berkeley community advising that the threat is related to a disgruntled student recently suspended for threatening behavior.
"The Warnme that just went out is relative to an emerging active shooter threat situation related to a student who has been placed on interim suspension for threatening behavior. Please encourage people to follow the shelter in place. We will be shutting all the buildings," Assistant Executive Vice Chancellor Andrea Lambert said.
"The Warnme that just went out is relative to an emerging active shooter threat situation related to a student who has been placed on interim suspension for threatening behavior. Please encourage people to follow the shelter in place. We will be shutting all the buildings," Assistant Executive Vice Chancellor Andrea Lambert said.
Update: UC Police at 10:18 a.m. issued an alert that said "there is NOT an active shooter on campus" after rumors floating on social media suggested that was the case.
UC police said: "There is NOT an active shooter on campus. Police are actively looking for a person who may want to harm specific individuals. Please continue to shelter in place at this time. Stay tuned to Twitter for updates."
UC police said: "There is NOT an active shooter on campus. Police are actively looking for a person who may want to harm specific individuals. Please continue to shelter in place at this time. Stay tuned to Twitter for updates."
Countdown to Commencement
The history of Cal Commencement: https://commencement.berkeley.edu/history/
PD Soros in NYT announcement
Holding up a copy of the New York Times with the full page of the PD Soros Cohort.
Alphabetical order, so my pic on on the bottom row. 2022 has been an amazing year of good news for me.
Stoked to join the ranks of PD Soros Fellows
#redefinethetable #redefine_the_table #autism #disability
There are likely to be additional roadblocks to higher education when you are a new american and a disabled new american at that. Know that your life too has worth!! Instead of an unmapped path, think of it as a journey of discovery. The opportunity of higher education means not just the chance to get a seat at the table and make contributions to the table, but perhaps to redefine the table itself where you can be part of the change in who all get included in access to spaces and resources. Let's get in there and help redefine the table.
image 3
Disabled or not, ALL of us new Americans deserve to be, and get to be part of the possibility and opportunity that is America.image 4
image 4
Beyond the color of your skin, race, ethnicity and religion, there also exists a range of (dis)ability in New Americans, who face not just the challenges of assimilating themselves in a new country while maintaining their cultural identity, but also navigating unfamiliar systems around disability. It is triple stigma for not just the disabled new american, but families too, who are excluded by association (“courtesy stigma”), not just from the mainstream community but from their own immigrant community as well. We need not just understanding but also importantly, belonging for all.
Disabled or not, ALL of us new Americans deserve to be, and get to be part of the possibility and opportunity that is America.image 4
image 4
Beyond the color of your skin, race, ethnicity and religion, there also exists a range of (dis)ability in New Americans, who face not just the challenges of assimilating themselves in a new country while maintaining their cultural identity, but also navigating unfamiliar systems around disability. It is triple stigma for not just the disabled new american, but families too, who are excluded by association (“courtesy stigma”), not just from the mainstream community but from their own immigrant community as well. We need not just understanding but also importantly, belonging for all.
PD Soros Fellow at Vanderbilt PhD Neuroscience
Can a person feel stunned+super excited AND nervous+disoriented all at the same time.
It's a veritable sea of emotions swirling inside me.
The news is rather surreal as I am in the final weeks of undergrad at Berkeley.
Two pieces of news actually.
I’m heading to a PhD Neuroscience at Vanderbilt in fall 2022.
# neuroscience #vanderbilt #PhD #Berkeley #Psychology
&
I join the prestigious ranks of the PD Soros Fellows, 2022.
@PDSoros
Who would have imagined this back in 7th grade middle school - special ed classroom where they still were teaching how to spell basic words like c-a-t. The school district had no intention of allowing me anywhere close to any sort of mainstream curriculum or a mainstream classroom. Their nod to mainstreaming was my being allowed to exist in the same school playground with non disabled kids at recess and lunch. Somehow we were expected to pick up skills, perhaps by osmosis, in that crazy noisy environment of screaming running kids
I lost count of the number of special ed classrooms I’ve been moved around during my elementary and middle school years - tossed from one unwilling special ed teacher to another. Imagine the psychological trauma inflicted on a very young child when educators, the ones who are supposed to support and nurture you, themselves don’t want you. Children don't get to attend their IEP meetings, but sometimes these meetings are held in the classroom after school with a classroom aide babysitting me at one end. I remember one such meeting with the special ed teacher loudly insisting I be moved out of her classroom. In kindergarten alone, I was moved 4 classrooms.
I also remember being in this classroom for sometime in between which was simply called Room 20 at Dilworth Elementary, which was a placeholder for all the special ed kids the district didn’t know what to do with. So the day was mostly walks, story time, circle time - like kindergarten on Groundhog Day repeat day after day, even at age 10. Anyway, by middle school I had been moved to a segregated special ed only school where I never got even that glimpse of any non disabled peers.
For much of my schooling years, education was like the candy in the candy store with me staring longingly at it through the store window.
It’s surreal, It’s like I’m now making up for all those years and years and years of sheer longing for education, years and years and years of missed education with compounded interest thrown in. It’s the sheer contrast of Room 20 to Berkeley.
My 7th grade special ed did not lead to a high school diploma let alone college. Today I stand on the cusp of a PhD program. Just imagine me in a doctoral program!
More than anything, it was really really really really really really really (can I add a few more "really's") a balm to the soul to hear PhD programs say they “wanted me” and that I was an unanimous selection by the departments.
(I think back on all the special education teachers who did not want me in their classrooms).
The PD Soros fellowship is this extra unexpected icing, a validation - that my life too has worth and I too can be a contributing member of society. That I am thought to be amongst those, “poised to make significant contributions to U.S. society, culture, or their academic field.” That I too can rank amongst the best of the best.
The PD Soros fellowship is this extra unexpected icing, a validation - that my life too has worth and I too can be a contributing member of society. That I am thought to be amongst those, “poised to make significant contributions to U.S. society, culture, or their academic field.” That I too can rank amongst the best of the best.
Getting my picture in the New York Times, is kinda cool too.
The road ahead is still fraught with uncertainties and transitions and there will be many things to navigate and trouble shoot in the next few years of grad school. It is going to be a harder journey given all challenges around my motor apraxia, communication/ behavioral /sensory challenges & anxiety. Fingers crossed for continued patience and understanding from others around me.
Today is a day to celebrate, to stop, admire and smell the roses of today. I don't think I am that flexible to actually reach my back so I will give myself that imaginary pat on the back and say,
PD Soros Fellow @ Vanderbilt PhD Neuroscience from fall. Way to Go Hari!!
=================
News Coverage of Award (link)
Social Media
So nice of Dr Josh Gordon (NIMH Director) to announce news of Vanderbilt and PD Soros at the beginning of the IACC meeting.
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I should frame this tweet as inspiration and aspiration.
Words of praise from the legendary Judy Heumann.
Thank you Judy for your words of praise. We all learn from you and strive to add those additional tiny pebbles that contribute to widening the ripples in the pond of change.
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Tweet from Prof Allison Harvey, who taught my Treatment of Mental Illness class
I was a research assistant in her Golden Bear Mood and Sleep clinic for 2 semesters.
Thank you Prof Harvey for your invaluable advice, support and encouragement during the grad school application process.
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I made it the cover of Berkeley News
Made it to page 5 of the New York Times
Making the cover of Berkeley News
#redefine_the_table
I made it to the cover of Berkeley News
“Hari has embraced his Berkeley experience to the very fullest in the classroom, research laboratory, on campus and more broadly,” said UC Berkeley psychology chair Serena Chen. “Along the way, he has touched so many people — fellow students, staff and faculty alike — and has achieved so much against formidable odds, to boot.”
Nothing to say, an afterthought puzzling oddity.
Nothing to say, an afterthought puzzling oddity.
Last week I won a prestigious fellowship for grad school with an alum that boasts students from elite schools across the US. It is a honor indeed to be recognized and selected and I am so over the top.
In the cohort of 30 fellows, four Indian-American students won the fellowship which was mentioned in a few Indian newspapers as well.
What I want to highlight is one specific Indian newspaper (not mentioning names here). There was plenty to say on the accomplishments of the other 3 non-disabled Indian-American students who are indeed quite accomplished. I am in deep admiration of their accomplishments.
However, when it came down to talking about me, it was like they were puzzled as to what to say around what my accomplishments were (if any). Other than Berkeley, graduating, disabled. I don't fit into their standard stereotype of the newsworthy nondisabled Indian-American student that makes it into a top school and probably has a dozen inventions or patents along the way. If I had been a nondisabled student helping the "usual objects of pity" disabled community with some invention, well that would have been newsworthy. It was like they were were struggling to write about this puzzling oddity of a disabled Indian student, who did not quite belong in their column, but would look bad for them if they left out altogether.
The sad sad irony in all this is that this is a Bay Area paper. I was born and have lived in the Bay Area all my life.
The point here is not my wanting more lines of mention around any accomplishment in an Indian newspaper. It's the feeling of being placed in the "other" group, of feeling that I don't "belong" in my own ethnic community. I felt quite sad.
Should I be surprised? After all, growing up, I've pretty much been ignored and not included by the nondisabled Indian kids who lived on my street in a South Bay neighborhood dominated by Indian and Chinese kids. We lived on the same street but in different Marvel multiverses. I simply did not exist in their world. They did grace my doorstep exactly once a year, at Halloween, arms outstretched for their share of candy. Understandably, Halloween is my least favorite holiday as it is a painful reminder of non-inclusion.
And lets not forget, in the not so distant past of 2015, the Gopal family in Sunnyvale had been sued by their neighbors and forced to move - one of the reasons being an autistic kid on the street reduced property values in the high priced Silicon Valley neighborhood.
Of course I cannot generalize my entire community - There are exceptions and I am so appreciative of those "gems" who crossed paths with me.
The point again of this whole piece- media representation matters. Else the stigma around disability will just continue from one generation to the next.
Think about it. Given that autism is the fastest growing neuro-developmental disability of today, it is highly likely that a near and dear one of yours will have autism sometime in the near future. Is stigma and exclusion really what you want for that person you care about?
Inclusion and reduction of stigma does not have to be an unattainable illusion.
It can be a reality. Let's start on that today.
Neurotypical Syndrome
Flipping the script. LOL
========
From the satirical Institute for the Study of the Neurologically Typical:
Autism is a natural neurological variance, not a disorder. So when those who follow the medical model refer to Autism as a disorder they are spreading scientific errors, cultural value judgments that teach Autists that there is something wrong with them, which is why so many of us hate ourselves.
Neurotypicals are "different"—from us—but we don't try to make them behave Autistically.
~
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