Can a person feel stunned+super excited AND nervous+disoriented all at the same time.
It's a veritable sea of emotions swirling inside me.
The news is rather surreal as I am in the final weeks of undergrad at Berkeley.
Two pieces of news actually.
I’m heading to a PhD Neuroscience at Vanderbilt in fall 2022.
# neuroscience #vanderbilt #PhD #Berkeley #Psychology
&
I join the prestigious ranks of the PD Soros Fellows, 2022.
@PDSoros
Who would have imagined this back in 7th grade middle school - special ed classroom where they still were teaching how to spell basic words like c-a-t. The school district had no intention of allowing me anywhere close to any sort of mainstream curriculum or a mainstream classroom. Their nod to mainstreaming was my being allowed to exist in the same school playground with non disabled kids at recess and lunch. Somehow we were expected to pick up skills, perhaps by osmosis, in that crazy noisy environment of screaming running kids
I lost count of the number of special ed classrooms I’ve been moved around during my elementary and middle school years - tossed from one unwilling special ed teacher to another. Imagine the psychological trauma inflicted on a very young child when educators, the ones who are supposed to support and nurture you, themselves don’t want you. Children don't get to attend their IEP meetings, but sometimes these meetings are held in the classroom after school with a classroom aide babysitting me at one end. I remember one such meeting with the special ed teacher loudly insisting I be moved out of her classroom. In kindergarten alone, I was moved 4 classrooms.
I also remember being in this classroom for sometime in between which was simply called Room 20 at Dilworth Elementary, which was a placeholder for all the special ed kids the district didn’t know what to do with. So the day was mostly walks, story time, circle time - like kindergarten on Groundhog Day repeat day after day, even at age 10. Anyway, by middle school I had been moved to a segregated special ed only school where I never got even that glimpse of any non disabled peers.
For much of my schooling years, education was like the candy in the candy store with me staring longingly at it through the store window.
It’s surreal, It’s like I’m now making up for all those years and years and years of sheer longing for education, years and years and years of missed education with compounded interest thrown in. It’s the sheer contrast of Room 20 to Berkeley.
My 7th grade special ed did not lead to a high school diploma let alone college. Today I stand on the cusp of a PhD program. Just imagine me in a doctoral program!
More than anything, it was really really really really really really really (can I add a few more "really's") a balm to the soul to hear PhD programs say they “wanted me” and that I was an unanimous selection by the departments.
(I think back on all the special education teachers who did not want me in their classrooms).
The PD Soros fellowship is this extra unexpected icing, a validation - that my life too has worth and I too can be a contributing member of society. That I am thought to be amongst those, “poised to make significant contributions to U.S. society, culture, or their academic field.” That I too can rank amongst the best of the best.
The PD Soros fellowship is this extra unexpected icing, a validation - that my life too has worth and I too can be a contributing member of society. That I am thought to be amongst those, “poised to make significant contributions to U.S. society, culture, or their academic field.” That I too can rank amongst the best of the best.
Getting my picture in the New York Times, is kinda cool too.
The road ahead is still fraught with uncertainties and transitions and there will be many things to navigate and trouble shoot in the next few years of grad school. It is going to be a harder journey given all challenges around my motor apraxia, communication/ behavioral /sensory challenges & anxiety. Fingers crossed for continued patience and understanding from others around me.
Today is a day to celebrate, to stop, admire and smell the roses of today. I don't think I am that flexible to actually reach my back so I will give myself that imaginary pat on the back and say,
PD Soros Fellow @ Vanderbilt PhD Neuroscience from fall. Way to Go Hari!!
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News Coverage of Award (link)
Social Media
So nice of Dr Josh Gordon (NIMH Director) to announce news of Vanderbilt and PD Soros at the beginning of the IACC meeting.
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I should frame this tweet as inspiration and aspiration.
Words of praise from the legendary Judy Heumann.
Thank you Judy for your words of praise. We all learn from you and strive to add those additional tiny pebbles that contribute to widening the ripples in the pond of change.
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Tweet from Prof Allison Harvey, who taught my Treatment of Mental Illness class
I was a research assistant in her Golden Bear Mood and Sleep clinic for 2 semesters.
Thank you Prof Harvey for your invaluable advice, support and encouragement during the grad school application process.
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I made it the cover of Berkeley News
Made it to page 5 of the New York Times
Dear Harry, I am so thrilled. Your perseverance and hard work has paid off.
ReplyDeleteWe are behind you.
William Tziavaras
Hari : Congratulations !!! You are absolutely inspirational. Your blog about the decibel levels of conversations and sounds was the catalyst for me to recognize the sensory challenges in my young one. I really would appreciate it if you could let me know how you went from a seventh grade SDC class to where you got into UC Berkeley ? How did that transition come about ? My child is limited functionally verbal, but i know theres a brilliant brain in there - however, seizures and puberty have brought on behavioral and sensory challenges. Sometimes I feel so lost as to what is going on with her. Perhaps you can speak from your experience how you managed to make the transition and who and how you were supported. It would mean a lot ! 🙏🏻
ReplyDeleteHari : Congratulations !!! You are absolutely inspirational. Your blog about the decibel levels of conversations and sounds was the catalyst for me to recognize the sensory challenges in my young one. I really would appreciate it if you could let me know how you went from a seventh grade SDC class to where you got into UC Berkeley ? How did that transition come about ? My child is limited functionally verbal, but i know theres a brilliant brain in there - however, seizures and puberty have brought on behavioral and sensory challenges. Sometimes I feel so lost as to what is going on with her. Perhaps you can speak from your experience how you managed to make the transition and who and how you were supported. It would mean a lot ! 🙏🏻
ReplyDeleteHari : Congratulations !!! You are absolutely inspirational. Your blog about the decibel levels of conversations and sounds was the catalyst for me to recognize the sensory challenges in my young one. I really would appreciate it if you could let me know how you went from a seventh grade SDC class to where you got into UC Berkeley ? How did that transition come about ? My child is limited functionally verbal, but i know theres a brilliant brain in there - however, seizures and puberty have brought on behavioral and sensory challenges. Sometimes I feel so lost as to what is going on with her. Perhaps you can speak from your experience how you managed to make the transition and who and how you were supported. It would mean a lot ! 🙏🏻
ReplyDelete